Ready to get married?
I have been asked this question by almost everyone I have taught about relationships. “How do I know I am ready to get married?” Am I ready to get married? I answered that as best as I could but I was never convinced with my own answers so I have gone out to look for teaching, articles and any other material that could enlighten me on this subject. “HOW DO I KNOW I AM READY TO GET MARRIED?”
I am glad to tell you today that I have found the answer to that question. This article is based on a sermon by Dr. Myles Munroe, I have put it in some of my own points as I went along but only a minimal. For those who do not know him Dr. Myles Munroe is , founder and president of Bahamas Faith Ministries International, is a multi-talented, award-winning author of Christian books. He wields a variety of skills as an educator, leadership mentor, consultant for government and business, and an author. His books attempt to assist in both the social and spiritual development of his readers, guiding towards discovering the God-given purpose and potential in us all.
First thing first: ready to get married
The first thing you need to know is that your marriage is only as good as your singleness. It is not easy to live with someone else…it is not easy for someone to live with you as well. Some of us want someone to love us and live with us yet we do not even love ourselves. We find it hard to live with ourselves and if we could, we would trade this life for someone else’s. Do you think it is fair then to expect someone else to co-exist with you when you find it hard to exist as a single entity. The world has deceived us and taught us that we are only half…that our partner is the other half. As a result of this misconception we expect the other person to come in and complete us.
If you are not complete as an individual, you will not be complete in marriage. Marriage does not bring you completion. If you are stupid unmarried, you’ll be stupid married. If you’re broke unmarried, you’ll be broke at the altar. Ladies if you can’t cook single you still won’t be able to cook married. We often hear people refer to their spouses as their better half. See heaven mathematics is not the same as earthly mathematics. 1+1+1=1 in heaven mathematics, THE FATHER+THE SON+HOLY SPIRIT=One GOD…The father complete as an individual and so is the SON and THE HOLY SPIRIT yet they come together to form ONE complete BEING. This should be the same with MARRIAGE a whole MAN should meet a whole WOMAN and come together and become one WHOLE.
This is the most important thing…if you will get nothing else out of this article, get this YOU need to be SINGLE before you get married. That sounds trivial I know the first thing that comes to mind is EVERYONE IS SINGLE before they are married. See there is a difference between UNMARRIED and SINGLE. Unmarried is without a husband/wife it mean you are not yet married.
The Omelet Principle (ready to get married)
Marriage is like an Omelet…it is only as good as the eggs. Do an experiment, crack an egg put holes in the shell. It will begin to rot. When it does rot take that egg and another fresh egg and crack them in the same bowl. Mix them and make an omelet. I guarantee you will not be able to eat it. In this case the egg shell is character. This is the same as a marriage.
Take a good man/woman and mix them with a rotten partner. No matter how good you are, as an individual you will rot if mixed with a rotten partner. That’s why the bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” Believers often bring an unsaved partner to marry. They say,”Don’t worry he will change when we are married.” or “I’ll bring him to the Lord.” Well if no one else has said anything I’ll tell you now IT DOES NOT WORK.
If your partner is not willing to change for you before you are married they will not change because you are married. As a matter of fact you have had to compromise your standards in order to accommodate them. What’s more likely to happen is for you to compromise further than for them to compromise to be what you want them to become. This is the reason you see a girl devoted to the Lord, serving coming for all prayer meetings and going hard for the Lord. She marries boy who doesn’t go to church doesn’t believe in God. She believes she will change him. After a while she is not allowed to attend church, prayer meeting or follow God. If you think about it, you know someone like that.
Eggs determine omelets, which means singleness determines marriage. Which means its more important to be single than to be married, it’s more important to check a person’s single life before you get into their married life.. Whatever they are as a single, they bring to your marriage. And if they are rotten, they win. “IF THEY DON’T CHANGE TO GET YOU THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE TO KEEP YOU!!!!”
The questions to ask: ready to get married?
1. If you knew all you know about you, would you still marry you?
2. Could you live with you for the rest of your life
We ask people to do hard things. “Marry Me”…Marry my stinking feet, Marry my bad breath, Marry my bad ways, Marry my stinginess. The things we ask people to do are amazing, and we call it “love.” I call it Risk.
The myth of singleness: ready to get married?
It’s not a singleness problem that you have, but a being single problem. That is why singleness is a myth.
Never confuse singleness with being single. Relationships get better the more single you are. The more single you become the better your relationships become. Singleness is a state to be pursued and not avoided. Most of us have been taught to run away from singleness. I tell you to pursue it. To be single should be the goal of every married person. What does that mean? This is because the more single you are the better your relationships are. Like I said before there is a difference between being unmarried and being single.
The world has made these two synonymous. Most married people have never been single, which is why their marriages are failing. Being unmarried is a state of affairs, being single is a disposition. What most are wanting is to stop being unmarried. What they should desire is to stay single however. Most people think that marriage solves their singleness…what marriage does is it exposes their lack of singleness.
Singleness is God’s original plan. Matthew 19, the Pharisees were questioning Jesus about divorce. He refer them back to the beginning. Genesis chapter 1, God made them——, it doesn’t say married. The problem is they never go back to the beginning state. God made a male by himself and made female by herself. God didn’t make a married couple, Adam married a woman. Jesus in this chapter was saying the reason marriages don’t work out is because you’ve never been a full female, or a full male. The reason you get a divorce is because you were never single.
How do you find the right person?:ready to get married
To know if you have the right person you need to check if they are a male/female in the state that God created them. The man you should marry must have the qualities of Adam. If you study Adam he was
1.Adam did not seek a mate
Adam was so busy naming animals, doing what God had called him to, working in the garden fulfilling God’s purpose that he didn’t have time to look for a wife. Adam knew his purpose. Adam knew his assignment. Adam knew the word of God. Adam knew what he was born to do. And if you look at Genesis 2 verse 15. God took the male man, put him in the garden, commanded him to work. Take care of the garden. You don’t need a woman to be a fully fledged man…you need to work, have some form of production system. Infact the first thing God gave man…the bible says God took the man and put in Eden. Eden is the presence of God. That means the first thing a male needs is not the presence of a female, it’s the presence of God.
Next thing the Lord told man is guard the garden. Which means protect. Then he told him to cultivate, which means to develop everything around you. Next God told the man to keep his commandments.
Any male that you qualify to marry should have 5 things.
1. To be in God’s presence
2. To have a form of production(work,job etc)
3. He should know the word of God
4. He should be able to cultivate you
5. He should be able to protect you
If he can’t do these it is good for him to be alone. Ladies keep asking the wrong question “Do you love me?” instead of asking the above and “Can you teach me the word of God?” This is in verse 15,16 and 17 of Genesis 2. In the beginning. Go back to the beginning and look at this man. God saw all these qualities, it was of this man that he said,”It is not good for this man to be alone.” Which man, the man who is in God’s presence, the man who is producing, the man who knows the word of God, the man who can cultivate you and protect you.
Adam did not know he needed a woman, God had to interrupt him to get him married. This teaches us that until you don’t feel you need to be married you are not ready to get married.If you can’t wait to be married you are very dangerous. You should not “need” anyone. So many people have not discovered themselves so they use you to get value for themselves. What makes you attractive is when you don’t need anybody. You want a partner who brings to your marriage value. What you need is an asset, someone who brings more value to your union. Man you need a woman who will help you fulfill the assignment for your life.
Love is not enough to hold a marriage: ready to get married
I know this sounds bizarre but give me a moment. We all know someone who has divorced, right? Ask them if you don’t already know. They still love each other. Yeah they do, they just can’t live with each other any more. So love still exists even when there is divorce.
In closing: ready to get married
Don’t waste your time looking for someone to marry. Instead spend your time building yourself up so when you do get married you bring value to your marriage. You’re supposed to be a helper not a drain. This is why people in marriages become so insecure. If your partner brings all the value into a relationship you’ll become so insecure, “Where have you been?” “Who are you with?” “What have you been doing?”
If you are insufficient in yourself you will be insufficient in a marriage. A rotten egg on its own is no harm to anyone, however put it in an omlet…its a problem. It is okay to be single, but it is not good to be alone. There’s a difference. Singleness is the most important part of life, it is the original state of a human. Singleness is the foundation of God’s plan for marriage, God’s plan for family. We have forgotten this plan which is why there are so many broken marriages, so many broken families. Jesus often said,”It was not so in the beginning.” Over the years man has distorted God’s plan. We need to go back to the beginning.
You are only as good as your single self…focus on developing yourself so you may be a blessing to who ever you marry. You marry a man, and he has never read the bible…while he’s supposed to be the priest of the house. You marry a woman and she can’t even cook…you get broke eating out everyday.
The word single means SEPARATE, UNIQUE and WHOLE
Alone means TO BE EXCLUSIVE, TO BE THE ONLY ONE OF your kind
God said “Adam, it is not good for you to be exclusive and to be the only one of your kind.” So you need someone likes you so wont be the only one of your kind.
Separate means to be distinct from everybody else…you don’t need anybody else to feel complete. You dont need to be like and dress like everybody else in order to feel like somebody. That means if you’re still trying to fit it, to be like others you are not yet single, unique means you brings something new to the table, and whole means you are somebody all by yourself. God says when you are that way it is not good for you to be alone.
Thank you for taking your time to read this. Let your life be the one to testify. May the good Lord shine on your path as he leads you. God bless. You can now answer, are you ready to get married?